Fade Into Me
by opposites attract contest
Summary: When Bella leaves Edward behind to go off to college, will he flounder without her? Or will a new model help him find himself?


The Opposites Attract Contest

Rating: M

Word Count: 8,421

Pairing: Edward/Maria

Summary: When Bella leaves Edward behind to go off to college, will he flounder without her? Or will a new model help him find himself?

Disclaimer: As much as it would please me to tell you that Twilight and all that it entails belongs to me, I can't do it. It is the sole property of Stephanie Meyer. I do love playing with her things tho, don't you?

Fade Into Me ~ Edward

I left the apartment and stood in the rain while I waited for a cab to stop. Because of the rain they were all busy, it's expected. New York is what it is and in the rain it is hell! I sounded bitter as this entire internal monologue played out in my mind and to be honest I really don't feel that way.

We were together for a while and I saw us drifting apart. We had been kids when we had started and let's be honest most high school romances don't last. I guess we could chalk it up to the fact that we had grown up and had changed. I didn't hate her and I certainly didn't blame her for going off to England when the offer had come up. She had won the scholarship over thousands of other people. Problem was, it left me alone now. I had gotten a new job, a new apartment and a new relationship status…single.

A cab had finally stopped for me and I climbed in. He beckoned for my destination and I replied, "JFK." I have a flight out to, at least, a sunny location. I checked my phone again to make sure that no last minute changes had come up. After I saw that things are all good, I sat back and watched the scenery go by.

I thought of Bella again. I thought of all the things we had done together. How I had run to her when my parents had been killed. How she had held me all night and had let me cry. I thought of how I returned the favor when her mother had left her with Charlie. She loved him, but it was still hard not to feel the sting of a mother leaving her only child. All the dances we had attended with all of our friends. It had never been about the dancing it had always been more about being with our friends. I thought back to the night in the back seat of my car and how she had given me her virginity. How she had never laughed at me when I had finally revealed that she had taken mine that night as well.

See the thing with us both was that we thought things through. We had planned, we had calculated and had never taken any risks. I guess that had been part of our downfall. We had stayed with what was safe. Bella and I had been two of a kind and on paper we had made sense. But in life…not so much.

I would never forget her words as she had spoken them to me that night. "Edward, don't you want to lay in your deathbed and say what a great life I had?" Her eyes pleaded with me to agree with her. I hadn't been sure I was strong enough to do it, so I had only shrugged. "I do," she continued, "I love you, Edward, with all of my heart. You're attached to almost every memory I have but we need more. I need more. I can't settle for what I've got. I have to try life on my own and see what I can make of it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I think it is happening for a reason. I think we're supposed to go our separate ways." I tried to open my mouth to answer her but she stopped me. "Edward, I want a love that consumes me, a love that I know without a doubt that the other person is my soul mate. We don't have that Edward. We have meh…it is safe, comfortable and we are too damned afraid to step out of it. Well, it's time we grew up and took a real risk. Now's the time." She kissed my forehead and stepped back onto the first step of our big porch. "You'll do fine, I have faith in you. Go and live, Edward, go and enjoy life." She turned and ran before I could even stop her. Two hours later Esme found me as I stood there in the same spot on the porch, I leaned against the rail and tried to ponder what the hell I would do now. How I would live life without the carefully laid out plan that Bella and I had made all through our high school years.

She was right, we had loved each other but we weren't really in love. I had felt comfortable with her but I didn't burn for her. I didn't walk into a room and beg my feet to walk over to her so that I could simply touch her skin. And I have to admit that after watching my parents and later Carlisle and Esme, yes I did want that kind of love. Both couples showed me that it was possible, I just had to hold out for it.

Yet here I was two years later and still no attainable soul mate in sight. I had quickly finished my photojournalism degree and had gone to work. Esme had managed to pull some strings for me and I had gotten a job shooting models for a small but up and coming fashion magazine. Once I had gotten a little experience, I was able to book a few jobs at a time like the one I was rushing off to now. Me, a model, usually Peter and Charlotte, and a really nice location. It was up to me to make them look even more beautiful in pictures so that we could both make money. Not a bad life, if I do say so myself. The problem was that I was rushed from location to location and was never able to spend enough time getting to know anyone. And to make matters worse I settled in New York. I mean I do love this city; I'm just ready to feel like my life is stable. However, that's the last thing I feel right now.

I boarded the plane and settled into my seat, the one beside me was thankfully empty. I wish I had a name to apply to this 'offness' that I was still feeling after the last couple of years. I wanted to blame it on the fact that Bella had left but I really couldn't. We had been far from ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other. So in a sense she had saved us both from a mistake that would have ended up in the same place a few years from now with perhaps kids involved. Then where would we have been? Shit out of luck, that was where.

The stewardess had woken me up as the plane touched down with a loud shriek of the tires as they met the asphalt of the runway. I shook off the sleep that was still begging me to fall back into its comfortable arms and began to gather my stuff. My hands go to my bag that contained my laptop, camera and my wallet, the things that mean the most to me. I can do without clothes, I can buy those but to show up at a photo shoot without my camera would be inexcusable.

I had heard that this particular model, Mandy or something like that was extremely hard to work with. I wasn't ready to deal with that right now, for sure. I would just grin and bear it because this damn job paid way too much for some stuck up model to ruin it for me. Besides Aro had said he 'wouldn't take any bullshit from any of you new kids, I'll fire your asses so fast it'd make your heads spin'. That was certainly the last thing I needed.

I met up with Peter and Charlotte at the hotel. Peter was going to help with the location and lighting, while Charlotte would help with wardrobe, hair and make-up. I had worked with them before and knew they were going to be an asset on this shoot. Jasper, my best friend and brother in law, introduced me to them a few years back. If nothing else I knew that Peter liked to drink so I would enjoy the after shoot at least. We had all made plans to meet up at a local bar down the street before we separated in the hall to go to our rooms to drop off our stuff.

A shower and a quick change of clothes made all the difference in how I felt. The air was warm and balmy in Charleston so I dressed casually in shorts and a button up shirt. I messed with my hair and attempted to tame it before I left and walked the few blocks to the bar. I saw Peter and Charlotte as soon as I entered. They were huddled up at the bar with a large crowd. It was obvious that they had begun to play a drinking game by the chants and calls that surrounded them. I have to give it to Charlotte, once I made my way close enough to see for sure, she hung with the boys and out drank a few. In fact, she slammed her empty beer glass down on the bar only a fraction of a second after some local did. I say local because he definitely didn't have the look of a business man here for a short stay. His hair was long and his clothes looked like he had slept in then a few nights. As my eyes took in the other few participants in this game, Peter slammed his glass down and threw his hands up in air. He was certainly proud of his victory.

"What are you celebrating for; Charlotte kicked your ass, fucker." I slapped his chest as I roughly pushed my other hand against his back. I knew the movements couldn't feel that good with all that beer in his stomach. His green face told me I was exactly right about it.

"Yeah but I beat all of them." He waved his hand around as he indicated losers around him. "See each person that finishes their glass before you, you have to pay them ten dollars. So I only pay out twenty," His hand waved at the local and Charlotte, "But they," he waved at the losers again, "pay me." His half-drunk smile was priceless and I wished that I had my camera to capture it. "I win." He began to dance around in a circle with his fists in the air. When he began to bounce from foot to foot I expected him to yell, 'Yo Adriane!' Thankfully, it didn't happen.

"Well, Rocky, so glad for you but you're cut off because I don't want to deal with your attitude from a raging hangover. Come on." I grabbed Charlotte's free hand as she took in all of her winnings from the others. When her eyes met mine I tilted my head to indicate the direction I wanted us to move and she began to follow, she grabbed the last two ten dollar bills that were begrudgingly shoved in her direction.

"Woo, who knew South Carolina boys were so easy?" She counted and folded her winnings and stuffed them in the top of her bra. We talked, laughed, and drank for a while. We didn't drink a lot, mostly just nursed the beers we held. Tomorrow would come so fast for us and we knew that we needed to be on top of our game. Peter and Charlotte were almost like family to me so it was easy to just relax and enjoy their company. I also relished the idea of being with company that would not ask about Bella constantly.

As soon as that thought began I shut it down, I didn't want to spend tonight thinking of her. I wanted to enjoy tonight, to just be free from those confines and take it easy.

A few minutes later I saw her walk in. You know that scene in the movies when everything else stills around you and she walks by. Her hair swishes across your face and you fall instantly in love? Well it was almost like that but not quite. I saw her, she briefly saw me and then she turned to go in the opposite direction. The entire group of girls moved as one blob, they all talked at once, it was hard to make sense of anything within that little circle. I raised an eyebrow as I noticed that Peter intently looked from girl to girl, he weighed his options with them. I just turned back to the bar and took another long sip of my beer. I had lost count of how many we'd each had by this point, of course I knew Peter and Charlotte were both way ahead of me. I decided that we should cut our losses so to speak and head out now while each of us could still walk out the door.

The warm night air hit my face as we stepped back out onto the street. Peter gripped my arm and I held him steady, I prayed that if he was going to puke that he would either do it now or wait till he was in his hotel room. Just not on me. Charlotte must have understood my thought because she blanched and took a step back from him. I tilted my head and nodded my chin towards the road and hopefully gave the signal for Charlotte to hail us a cab. When she turned to step closer to the road I sighed. We just had to get Peter back to the hotel and quickly.

Just as the cab stopped curbside for us the door to the bar opened and she spilled out of it. She yelled, she cursed and she threw her hands around like a mad woman. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and thanked whatever deity that she didn't see me and have that movie moment I joked about back there in the bar a few hours ago. I didn't want to be saddled with this woman for any length of time!

"Who the fuck does he think he is? He can't do this, I'll fucking show him! I mean it this time; I've had it up to here with him. If he even so much breathes at me the wrong way I'll end him," she fumed as another friend tried to end her Drama Queen tirade. She noticed me as I took quick glance at her and she took the opportunity to scream at me, "What the fuck are you looking at?" I turned away and pretended that I didn't know she was talking to me. We didn't have time to deal with the cops tonight, especially for this.

"Maria, he's just looking around, he's not looking at you." Her friend cooed at her.

"The fuck he wasn't, I mean really. You would think that a person could have a minor nervous breakdown in public and people would have the common decency to look away. Not him though, oh hell no, he has to stare at me." I had turned my back on them as I helped Peter into the cab. I climbed in and shut the door. We made our way back to the hotel.

Peter and Charlotte both stayed in her room so she could look after Peter. I made my way to my room. This is when it was the hardest to cope with Bella's absence- when I was alone at night, in bed. The time that we usually shared things with each other, we talked about our day and things that were going on. Most of the time it was by phone but it was still a routine for us. Perhaps it was habit more than anything else really but it still hurt that it was gone. I drifted off to a fitful sleep. Fitful described most of my life now, and it certainly described my sleep.

When I woke up just before the sun came up, I knew without a doubt that I couldn't go back to sleep. In a huff, I threw the covers off and made my way to the shower. The shower was doing a great job of calming my tense muscles but nothing to help the way my mind ran in circles. I over thought everything, I questioned and I just plain doubted myself. For once I wanted to live and let live, not worry. I resolved myself to just let it all go, to live and enjoy. No more worry wart Edward, this was my time. I was young, employed and for the first time in my adult life single.

I wasn't a jerk that would sleep with anything with two legs but fuck if I wanted to explore my sexuality then I would. I could learn who I was and just be me. I stepped out of the shower and wiped off the excess water with a clear head. I could do this, I would do this. I couldn't lay down and die because a romance didn't work out.

I texted Peter and Charlotte when I was dressed to let them know that I was going to head off to the location. I spent about two hours as I walked around to make sure that the three spots Peter had picked out were good ones. I agreed with his choices and found two more to stop at as well. When I made it back to the first location Charlotte had the model in her makeup chair and was busy as she made up her face. Peter paced around in a semi-circle while he chewed on his thumb nail. Something was definitely up because usually Peter was very laid back. My stomach lurched at the thought of more shit to deal with but I stepped up to him and asked for it right out right like a man. "You might as well go ahead and tell me now." I sighed and dropped my bag to the make shift desk for me to work from.

"Now, don't get pissed Edward. She doesn't seem to remember a single thing at all, only her friend does and she cautioned us both. So if you play your cards right she won't even know and we can all get on with this and be done. Okay?" I scratched my head as Peter talked because so help me God, I didn't understand a single word he said to me. I mean I understood them but they made no sense to me, at all.

"Peter, start that all over and this time include details that you left out the last time. Okay?" Peter nodded like a small child and started his tale all over again. Turns out what Peter meant was that our model for today was none other than the Bitchy Drama Queen from last night at the club. I seethed in annoyance. The good thing was that she didn't remember a single thing from then. I knew this because Peter said it like a million times to remind me. So I agreed with him that it was fine to just play it cool and get this job over with. Peter and Charlotte exchanged a short nod of the head while he went about his job and set up the first and second areas we would work with.

When Charlotte was done with Maria, she made her way over to me so we could talk about the shoot a little. I showed her on my laptop screen the five places I chose to shoot her and Charlotte showed her which outfits she would be wearing at each location.

Turns out her agent didn't think that people take her seriously any longer and wanted her to do some rather risqué shots to prove she's still got what it takes now that she had grown up a little. The instructions were clear, push the envelope, no cutsie little girl shots, all hot steamy sex sells kind of stuff. I would spend the whole day shooting pictures of a woman half-dressed and she was a bitch. It was going to be hard to inspire myself to make this work, if I did succeed, this would be some award winning shit right here.

We walked a few feet to set up the screens so they would filter the light around Maria while she got dressed or half dressed in her first outfit. When she stepped out I almost swallowed my tongue. She was beautiful, bitch or not, it would not be as hard as I first thought to capture her beauty on camera for the world to see.

A few shots in and Maria was a natural, she moved and posed like a pro, before I could even direct her to. She instinctively knew what to do with her body and how to make herself look even more radiant in person. Her skin glowed in the sunlight, the light natural tan highlighted by the clear blue ocean that crashed to shore in the background. We finished up there and we moved off alone to the second spot. She would stay in the same outfit so there was no need for Peter and Charlotte to follow with us. This was the first chance I had gotten to talk to her since the last hour or so I had just barked commands at her.

"So what do you think of the location?" I asked, unable to come up with something more intelligent to offer.

"It's beautiful here, but maybe I'm biased because I was born and raised here." She glanced at me shyly through the curtain of her hair. The long brown hair was bouncy and had highlights sprinkled through-out. It should have reminded me of Bella's but at this point in time it did anything but that.

"What do you mean? I thought you were from Brazil. According to your bio you are anyway." She chuckled as soon as Brazil left my lips.

"Yeah, Aro thought that had a much more exotic ring than Charleston, South Carolina. It's not all a lie though because my mom's family is from Brazil. I have a few great aunts that still live there." She shrugged and held up her hands that showed her indifference to the lie about her heritage.

"So, what else is a lie about you?" I wanted the words back as soon as I said them. She supposedly didn't remember and there was no need for me to stir the shit pot if I didn't have to.

"Well, some people say I'm a bitch but I don't think that's true." I choked on her words. When she spoke her next words I was taken aback by surprise once again at her sincerity this time. "I just found out that my baby sister's husband had beaten her again. I don't think losing my temper over that is any reason to call me a bitch, do you?" she asked as if I were a disinterested party and had no stake in this little conversation at all.

"No, I mean who the hell would do that to a completely non bitchy person such as yourself?" I grabbed my chest and feigned shock.

Her eyes turned soft and scared. "It's the third time he's done that to her and she is scared to leave. She's scared that he'll come after my parents or make trouble for me if she does. I told her to leave him no matter what." Her gaze dropped to our feet as they made contact with the sand. "My dad said he thought she would this time." I grabbed her hand and halted our progress.

"I'm sorry." The words were not enough to express the feelings I felt about my reaction to her tirade now. I understood and felt like an ass for the quick judgment I passed last night when I didn't know a thing about her or her situation before I judged.

"It's okay, I'm sure it didn't look innocent from your vantage point, I had to look like a bitch." She chuckled.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, my dad says she will." She moved her thumb against the skin on the back of my hand and I realized that we still had our hands interlocked. I looked up to realize that we were at the jetty rocks that I wanted to have her pose on top of so there was no reason to let her hand go right now anyway. Besides if I'm honest with myself it felt so damn nice to be there to hold her hand.

I helped her up and sat her atop a large outcropping of the rocks with the sun positioned at her back. It glowed around her like a halo. I dropped the camera and just stood and marveled at her. She smiled for a few seconds, and then she began to fidget. I guess I made her uncomfortable. It was ridiculous to me that a model who was used to being looked at would grow uncomfortable under my gaze. I snapped the camera back up and began to click pictures of her.

The afternoon wore on and we took numerous shots at numerous locations with numerous outfits. In fact we ran through every single option that Charlotte had brought with her. We had nothing else to change her into. Charlotte suggested that we try some body paint on Maria. It was made to look like a sports jersey she would half wear but it was body paint. Body paint that on camera completely covered her, but in real life showed me every single detail of her beautiful body. I grew uncomfortable at that point in time. It was hard to hide the fact that I was turned on by Maria and the way she knew to move her body. I wanted to take advantage of my freedom and show her how I would spend hours appreciating her, worshipping her. Funny how last night I mourned that freedom and today I wanted to celebrate it. Life is ever changing.

I finally called a wrap on the shoot when Charlotte threatened to kill me if I offered one more suggestion to anyone. Maria's eyes danced with amusement as I cowered down to her and yelled at Peter that we were done. Maria and Charlotte moved back behind the make shift curtain to get her all dressed again while Peter and I cleaned up the equipment and light filters.

Our clean-up was done way before Maria's would ever be. The paint as it turned out wasn't so easy to clean off. I promised to wait for Maria as Peter and Charlotte tried to rush back to catch a flight back to New York for another job.

Maria made her way out from behind the curtain and I saw that she simply put on a man's white dress shirt and a pair of jean shorts on over her painted on t-shirt. Her hair blew in the late afternoon breeze and she looked beautiful.

"Hey," I whispered when she approached me. "Peter and Charlotte had to catch a flight back to New York tonight so they took off." I hitched my thumb back behind me to further explain my words. I had no idea why I was suddenly shy around her.

"Yeah Charlotte mentioned it earlier in make-up. It's a shame, I hoped to have some dinner with them since I don't know anyone else here in town." She curled her full lips up into a pout.

"I thought your family lived here, aren't you from here?" I stammered.

"Years ago they did, my dad moved my mom to Miami when all of us kids moved away from home. So, no one is here anymore."

"Oh." Was the brilliant response my brain chose.

"Are you staying?" she asked attentively.

"Yeah, I don't have a flight out till tomorrow evening." Her eyes lit up until she heard the ending of my sentence, apparently she didn't like the fact that I was leaving tomorrow evening.

"Oh." It was her turn for a brilliant response.

"Why don't we get dinner since I don't know anyone and neither do you?" My brain finally caught up with my body.

"Okay, can we stop by my house so I can change since this is…you know…" Her words trailed off and I realized that the longer the paint stayed on the more it flaked off. Soon she would be bare to the whole world.

"Oh, sure. Lead the way. I walked though." I grabbed my two bags and we headed off towards the parking area.

"No problem, since I drove."

When we were firmly settled in the car and she had maneuvered out into traffic I asked the question that I was dying to know. "Why do you keep a house here if no other family lives here?"

"I love it here, I feel free. No one really pays that much attention to me and I feel normal. No gawkers here." She shifted her Audi and I watched as her arm muscles tightened and relaxed. I was in deep for this girl and we had only known each other for a few hours. I guess this is what Bella meant when she said live a little. I hoped it was anyway. Because this is what I wanted, no preplanned thoughts, just acting out each moment without thought.

Maria unlocked her door and moved directly through the house and to the patio out back. She pulled her shirt off and threw it across a lounge chair as she passed it. She also dropped her shorts to show me that she still wore her blue bikini bottoms to match her painted on shirt. She turned on the outdoor shower and began to wash the flaky paint off of her body. I stood and watched. I wanted to turn away but her body called to me and I couldn't move even if my life had depended on it.

She brushed the last of the paint off of her body as she caught my eyes. I tried not to look at her now bare breasts but I couldn't stop myself. She smirked when she caught my gaze flick down and back up again. "You've seen them all damn day. I figured that it wouldn't hurt for you see them now." She shrugged again. I shrugged back. Thankfully her bottoms stayed on because I wasn't sure what would have happened if she had removed those and stood there bare assed naked with me this close to her. I did _not_ have that much restraint.

She drove us again to dinner, something casual as I still had on my shorts and button up shirt that I had worn all day. She was dressed in a flowing sundress that showed off her perfect breasts again with some sandals that hugged her feet. I felt like a Victorian aged freak asI ogled her feet like they were forbidden from view like years before. But they were just as perfect as the rest of her body and I knew that they were attached to her shins which were attached to her thighs which were attached to her…well you get the idea. It wasn't the feet and ankles it was all of her. I was officially horny!

All through out dinner we talked and I found out that Maria was not just a pretty face but very intelligent as well. She discussed the new discovery at the unearthed tomb in Egypt, the national deficit, the presidential candidates that would run for office in the next two years as well as several new books that I had read. I was blown away. She also revealed that she had a history degree from Yale and wanted to travel the word sightseeing and not working. At some point our hands had found their way across the table to tangle together again. It was okay with me that they did.

When dinner was over I suddenly felt sad that my time with her had to come to an end. I wanted more, more time and more of her. She eased my nerves when she asked if I wanted to come back to her place for a while. I said yes, it certainly beat staying in at my room beating off to her memory. This way I at least stood a chance at making out with her.

Maria opened her door and I held it for her to enter before me. Just as I stepped through she spun around to face me and pushed the door closed behind me. Her body came in contact with mine and she used her weight and my surprise to push me against the wall. Her kissable lips met mine and I wasted no time in diving in with her. Her mouth opened to me and I pushed my tongue inside of her. I prayed that it would not be the only thing that I pushed into her tonight. Her hands gripped my arms as she moved her pelvis back and forth across mine. I moaned into her open mouth.

"Maria, what are you doing to me?"

Her eyes matched the smile on her face.

"Stay with me, Edward?"

I wanted to explain that this wasn't the kind of thing that I normally did, and how I wasn't prepared to stay with her. But her mouth halted all of those thoughts when she leaned forward and sucked my tongue out of my mouth and into hers. I just nodded my acceptance at her. She smiled again. Her hands left my fore arms and began to unbutton my shirt. I wanted her out of her dress but I had no idea how to do it. I didn't know if I should just pull it up and over her head or pull it down, or…hell I was lost so I'd let her take care of that part. Hands, tiny hands, ran over my chest as she teased my nipples and lightly scraped her nails across my abs. I couldn't help but suck in a shaky breath as I imagined her hands going lower, as they would scrape across other parts of me.

For a moment I pondered if I should be nervous about the fact that Maria would only be the second person that I had slept with, and then I pushed that thought out of my mind. She was responding to me just as much as I responded to her, so that put all inadequacy fears out of my mind. "Fuck," I mumbled as she did indeed lower her hands and brushed against my hard cock outside of my clothes.

"Damn, Edward. You make me so crazy." She panted as I placed open mouthed kisses along her neck while she craned her head to give me more room. "I don't do this you know? Take home guys, I mean."

"I know, baby, me either." I tried to kiss her neck again as she pushed me away.

"No, I mean it, this has never happened to me before. I have never wanted," she waved her hands between me and her, "before. Ever."

I withdrew my hand from her thigh under her dress and touched her cheek with the back of my fingers. "Me either, seriously." My fingers glided along her skin and she took a few minutes to think things through. Her forehead pushed up against mine and I wrapped my other hand around her neck to hold her to me. I knew I wasn't in love with her but I could certainly see myself as I enjoyed life with Maria. She had something about her that pulled out all the right qualities in me. I liked who I was with her and we had only been together for less than twelve hours.

Her smile alerted me to the decision that she made and I leaned in to kiss her again. When our lips parted, I whispered, "We can stop if you want to." Her head shook its denial immediately and I smiled because I didn't want to stop either.

"No, come with me, okay?" She stepped back and pulled my hand towards the back of the house. I followed willingly.

Her bed was massive, white and looked like a cloud had settled here on earth. It was surrounded by pale blue walls with white billowy curtains. She stopped to open the glass doors that looked out onto the beach so that the breeze flowed through and danced the curtains up and around the room. Her hair followed suit with the curtains. It all felt magical and electrified.

We stopped by the bed and she pushed my opened shirt off of my arms and I wrapped them around her. My hand found its way back under her skirt and pushed it up to her waist. I hitched her leg around my waist and dipped my body so that my hard cock lined up with her before I pushed them against each other. Her moan was my reward. She was practically wrapped around me. I lowered us both to the edge of the bed. She settled her hips right across my erection. The pleasure was sweet and yet torture all at the same time. It was like a starving man that had to watch someone eat a meal through a glass window, it was close enough to almost get to it and yet not be able to. I wanted her in the worst way.

When my hand fumbled through the straps of her dress several times as I tried to figure out how to take it off of her, she gave in and helped me. I felt so silly when she simply pulled it over her head and tossed it to the floor. That thought was immediately replaced when I took in her beautiful body. Sure, I had seen it all day in various states of undressed as we took picture after picture. That was different in my mind; that was work. This was pleasure, this time I could enjoy what she offered, earlier I couldn't. Earlier we were coworkers. Now, well now we're lovers.

I buried my head into the crook of her neck and showered her with kisses again as my hand tentatively reached up to touch her breast. I took the full weight of it in my hand and pressed my thumb back and forth across the hard nipple. Her sweet body was so damn responsive and she reacted to every single thing I did. I felt like the greatest lover alive because I knew that she made those sounds, those reactions based on things I had done to her. It spurred me on even further. I took her nipple into my mouth and sucked it gently then harder when she arched against me.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed. I wrapped my hand around her other breast and tweaked her nipple. I made sure to alternate from one to the other to keep her excited. Maria looked glorious as she sat across my lap with her upper body bare to me, her head thrown back in ecstasy and her body responded to each movement by mine. When her head dropped back to a normal position she reached for my belt. I sat back and allowed her to do as she pleased. Her tiny hands looked so tan against the pale white skin of my stomach.

On Tuesday morning when I woke up Maria laid beside me but she stared out at the rain that was running down the outside of her windows. The one glass door that we had left open last night was now the entry point for the rain that had run down the billowy curtains as it pooled on the hardwoods. To most people it would seem as if this was a dampener on the day but for us it was perfect. Maria was pressed up against my chest as I placed kisses along her body and played with her long beautiful hair.

The rain seemed to wash away the pasts we both had lived through and made everything new again. We both got to start off with a fresh new beginning, right here in this bed, with each other and the rain. The entire day was spent in bed with each other. Several times we left it to pull together a make shift meal for ourselves but other than that we were cocooned with each other.

We talked about any and everything; I was never in fear of sharing what I really wanted out of life because there were no expectations with Maria. I couldn't disappoint her; she had no preconceived notions about me, she just listened to me and told me about herself. It was open and honest, probably the most honest conversation I had ever had. I relished every single second of it. It was what I had craved for so long yet never really knew that this was what it was. Now that I look at it what I thought was the need for order and perfection was actually the exact opposite. I wanted truth, but at the same time I wanted chaos and uncertainty. I wanted to live on the edge and relish the feel of the wind as it blew through my hair. I was just too fucking scared to let go of the handles on life and actually step out there to the edge.

It rained throughout the night and we lay awake late making love and listening to the thunder and the waves roll in. Each time with her showed me that life could be good, it could be all I wanted even if that meant that I spent it without Bella beside me.

Maria showered once we finally made it out of bed while I let everyone know that I had decided to stay for a few extra days in Charleston. I pulled out my camera and took several shots of the rain as it rolled down the windows and the way it made the sea rougher as it crashed against the shore. It looked fresh and new like this was the first time I saw it and it all held new meaning for me. I don't know how or why but it just did. I couldn't wait to get out in it and soak it all up. To fill myself to the point of being bloated with it so that just in case this feeling disappeared when I left here I would have some to take with me to last me for a while.

We wrapped our coats around us and walked all around town. We stopped by a lighthouse and visited the museum that resided on the ground floor. We danced in the light rain as we left, the tourist group that left with us laughed at the fools we appeared to be. It felt incredible. Maria felt incredible.

Her lips were soft and sweet as she welcomed my kisses. No matter where or when I kissed her she welcomed it. It was so different than Bella. Bella was too scared to kiss me unless we were completely alone, we didn't make love unless we were in total darkness and we didn't share things unless they were common knowledge anyway. Both of us were too damn scared to let go of anything long enough to actually enjoy life, we simply existed not lived.

I shook off any thoughts of Bella as Maria pulled me towards a small boardwalk. We rode the wooden roller coaster and laughed until our sides hurt. We ate junk food and drank red slushies until our mouths were coated in the sweet syrup. That was my favorite time to kiss Maria when she tasted like cherry syrup. Occasionally I slipped my camera out of my pocket and took pictures of her and the scenery. I didn't know if I would want the proof of this week when it was all over or not but I took them anyway.

After our dinner of corn dogs and sodas we had salt-water taffy for desert. I took Maria back to her house and made love to her again, several times, it was the perfect evening.

Wednesday was clear and bright so we put on our swimsuits and made our way down to the beach. First we walked hand in hand, again we talked about what ever came to mind. We discussed her career and where she wanted to go with it. We discussed mine and all the things I had seen throughout my travels. We shared all the places that we wanted to go and see. Amazingly they were so similar so we made fake plans to go and see them, to do the things that we saw in the brochures.

I was pretty certain that we wouldn't ever make it to these places together and somehow that was okay with me. I wasn't stupid enough to fool myself into thinking that Maria and I were a forever kind of thing. She was here with me now and that was enough. I didn't care about later, only now.

Thursday dawned and reality seemed to seep back in little by little. As each hour ticked off we both became aware of the fact that I flew away from her tomorrow. We showered together, we touched, memorized and connected again while we could. After our skin became too pruny to stay in the shower we put on our suits and laid out by the pool in her yard. She read, while I edited photos I took all along the week on my laptop. I paid a few bills and then confirmed my flight.

I shut the laptop and moved off of my chair, I made my way to her lounge chair. Without a word between us I pushed her back and untied her bathing suit. Without regret I pushed into her and relished the feeling of tranquility between us. Our hands interlocked, our eyes never left each other. It was intense, passionate and real, yet fleeting all at the same time.

I appreciated the way neither of us promised more than the time we had, neither of us pretended that there would be more. We couldn't promise that and there was no need to lie. We took it for what it was, without the pretense of anything more. I knew it wasn't love and part of me wanted to feel guilty for the sex that we had because I wasn't feeling that important emotion. I should feel like it was wrong but I couldn't feel that at all. Each and every time I pushed into her I learned more about myself. With each shared orgasm I dropped a piece of the wall I built and became the person that I wanted to be. So how could I feel regret, guilt, sadness, shame or any other useless emotion for that? I couldn't!

I wouldn't spend my life with Maria but I would never forget her, she has made me into the man I should have always been just by spending five days with her.

Friday arrived and the sky chose that day to rain again. We lay in bed and listened to it all morning. Neither of us said much, it was too heavy to speak through. When I was all packed and ready to go she walked me to the sidewalk and bid me goodbye. I stepped to the curb and hailed a cab. As I opened the back door and I pushed my bag inside she called out my name. I wanted to turn around and rush back to her. To pack her stuff up and bring her back with me but that wasn't meant to be. We were meant to have only what we had.

I did step back to meet her and kissed her with every emotion I felt within me. The sadness, happiness, uncertainty, regret, gloom, resolve, optimism and fondness. "I'm so glad we had this time, you will never know how much it has meant to me. I will never forget a single second of it." I told her as my forehead pressed against hers.

"Me either." Her deep sigh showed me that there was baggage in her life as well. I didn't ask and she didn't ask about mine. We weren't ready to be more but we were happy with what we had. "Call me sometime. Let me know how you are and if you're happy again." I nodded as our bodies separated and I held her hand until our fingers couldn't reach anymore.

I replayed every single second of our week as I made my way back to the airport. The beach, the pool, the lighthouse, the pier, the boardwalk, the sights, the sounds, the tastes, all of it. I can taste it, I can feel it, smell it all. In some ways the time seems to blur, except every second and every word, every drop of rain and every single grain of sand. I will live those days over and over again until I find a memory that is better to fill that spot. But I will never be sorry, never.

I arrived back in New York to a bright clear night. I wanted the feel of the rain to remind me but it wasn't there. I would need to remind myself. Remind my brain that just because the week is over and Maria is gone that doesn't mean that person that I became has to be gone as well. I have to make myself remember so I will always be that person. A person that is worthy of a lifetime, a person that makes that special girl feel like she is the only person alive when we are together, a soul mate for someone else so that I can have all of the dreams that I was too afraid to dream before now.

I dropped my bag, pulled off my coat and walked out into the New York night, ready to live. Finally, really live all thanks to Maria.


End file.
